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4 THE DOOMSDAY PAPERS 3 JUST ENOUGH ROOM TO SAY THIS: 2 THAT'S ALL I WANTED TO SAY." 1 zzzzzzZZZZZZ..ER..WHA..SH..OH! HELLO AGAIN. DID I FALL INTO A SLUMBER OR AM I MAD(?) IT PROBEB-BAB(WHO CARES?)LEY WOULD BE BEST FOR ME TO GO TO SLEEP ACTUALLY. I'M NOT MUCH GOOD AT THIS AM I... 1 in INPUT, 0:1": 1 YOUR SACKED 1 YOUR COMPUTER 1 YOU WILL GIVE ME A NICE LETTER, ANDY. ALL ABOUT HOW SORRY YOU ARE FOR NOT DOING ANY WORK. IF I DON'T GET ONE IN THE NEXT FEW PAGES, YOU ARE SACKED! 1 YOU SILLY PRAT! 1 YOU MAY THINK WHAT THE HELL THE TITLE HAS TO DO WITH ANYTHING? WELL I'LL TELL YOU.....NOTHING. 1 YOU HAVE READ PARTS THAT ARE DIFFERENT TO THE ORIGINAL VERSION. WE HAD TO RE-PROGRAMME LOTS AND LOTS OF TEXT. 1 YOU DOPPLEDANGER.OH S... WE'VE GUT A PREBLOM,ER M EYE PANTS ARE FILLED AGAIN.THESE PANTS WILL HAVE TO GO INTO THE COMPETISHON.MATT'S IN BED WHILE I TYP THIS PAYJ.I LIKE JAN LEEMING OF THE NINE O CLACK NEWS.CLAP YOUR HANDS.TORKING OF CLAP I'VE GOT IT.GOOTAN ARBEN FOR NOW MAYTEY PAYTEY.FLIECKNECK.I LIK DAFFODILLS AND RONALD McDONALD.",19 1 YESH.LOOKS LIKE RIEDQUAT 1 YESH I HOWP SOW THE SEED TO GROW THE SEED TO EAT THE LETTIS 1 YES,I DO LIK HAM AND FRUSTTES . AND YES IT IZ TYME AND BERNARD MATTHEWS STEAKHOUSE GRILL WITH TURKEY'S BREASTS FOR A ...................................................... 1 YES, I LIKE SUGGAR PUFFS AS WELL 1 YES IT IS, HOW MUCH MORE HAVE WEGOT TO DO?" 1 YEP,SEYVAN QUADGE FOR EET",12 1 YEASH.BUT ITS A BEYTA SHOP ON MCDONALD ROEWD",17 1 YEASH THA RADDY BLAGGER",8 1 WORST MANAGEMENT/WAR GAME 1 WORST GAME OF ALL TIME 1 WORST BUDGET GAME", 1 WORST ARCADE GAME 1 WORST ADVENTURE 1 WHY NOT TRY SOME BUTT KISSED POPPED CORN? 1 WHO THE HELL MADE THE WORD UP, THATS WHAT I WANT TO KNOW. 1 WHILST PROGRAMMING THIS ,RUSS BLEW A FUSE IN THE COOKER. IT CAUSED A SHORT CIRCUIT ALL OVER THE PLACE. OUR VDU WENT BLANK. OUR PANTS FILLED. 'WHAT THE ...' SAID ANDY 'GGEEESUS!' CRIED MATT. MATT SHOUTED VERY LOUDLY AND RUSS,SWIFT AS A BULLET SHOT UP THE STAIRS AND HAILED 'I NEARLY KILLED MYSELF!' AND WITH A SHARPFINGERNAIL,STASHED MATT IN THE LOWER PART OF THE NOSE. 1 WHEN YOU VISIT DERBY, VISIT THE RIP OFF MARKET, WHY RIP OFF? IT CAN'T BE, OH YES-RUB YOUR FEET ON CARPET, THERE'S A STALL DON'T HAVE BEEB,OR DO OUR EYES DECEIVE? NO THEY DON'T, HE WON'T STOCK IT! 1 WHEN I WAS A LAD... 1 WHEN I WAS A LAD, I WAS STUPID. I WAS SO STUPID THAT I THOUGHT I HAD TWO BIG SPOTS ON MY CHEST.I SPENT TWO YEARS TRYING TO POP THEM UNTIL I FOUND OUT THEY WEREMY NIPPLES.",10 1 WHAT, WHERE , HOW! 1 WHAT NICE THOUGHTS ARISE FROM A DAISY... 1 WHAT LIKE A VOID YOU MEAN? 1 WHAT HAPPENS NOW THEN?",10 1 WHAT ABOUT THE ADS THEN?",10 1 WHAT ABOUT AN INLAY CARD? 1 WELLETH.FOR OWNLEE FIRTY PUONDS YOU CAN HAVE A BYOUTIFFULL FULL BLACK AND WHITEY PHOTOCOPIED DICKSHONERRY OF ORL M EYE LINGO WITCH I USE THROO OWT SPECDICUL.ORDER NOW. 1 WELL,NOT ALWAYS",8 1 WELL WE'VE RAN OUT OF SPACE HERESO WE'LL HAVE TO DO THEM SOMWHERE ELSE",14 1 WELL PRESS IT THEN! 1 WELL IT IS THE FIRST OF APRIL...": 1 WELL I'D BETTER BE GOIN BUTT PHERST I SHALL TELL U BOWT THESE AWARDS,A LETTIS AWARD IS GIVEN TO THE ATSOLOOTLEE CRA**** GAMES EVER DE VISORED.SO NICKNACKSPLICFLAK SEE YA......................... 1 WELL I HOPE YOU HAVE THE BASIC IDEA OF A WALLY NOW. 1 WELL HI THERE.FIRST QWESTYON. DON'T TELL UM ABOUT THE HUNNY YUMMY.SECUND.WOT'S YOUR FAVOURITFAVOURITE.QUALITY ST. 1 WELL HELL OH.AS YUO WELL NO I HAV BIN RE IN STAYTED BUTT I AM VEYREE CURE EARS ABOUT THE LAY (AN EGG) TEST LEAV OV LET USS WITCH CRAFT IS SPOOKY . SO ARE HORNTED MAN SHONS.LATER ON U CAN GET A CHANS TO WIN A PIAR OV M EYE UNDERPANTS 1 WELCOME TO SPECDICUL 1 WELCOME AGAIN 1 WE'RE LIVING OFF COFFEE...HIK!.." 1 WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!",18 1 WE WERE GOING TO WATCH A GOOD VID TONIGHT BUT BECAUSE OF THE DISASTER WE HAVE GOT TO DO THIS. 1 UUMM, DO YOU HAVE LEGS?",11 1 UGLY ON THE OUTSIDE. BUT MELLOW ON THE INSIDE-ANDY 86 1 U.F.O'S ARE REAL. 1 TROUBLE IS YOU'VE ONLY GOT ONE PAIR OF UNDERPANTS!",14 1 TORKING OV PROCESSORS,I LIKE PROCESSED PEAS TO EAT WITH LETTUCE AND BEEFY FLAVOUR MINCEMEAT.ENNIE WAY I HAVE TO GO FOR A TEST AT THE SY KY A TRISTS OWSE.MATT WROTE TO ULTIMAT BOWT MASHEEN COD FISH ORLL ULTIFRIEND DID WOZ SEND IM SUM POWSTURS OF NIGHTSHADE. 1 TO SEE THIS PAGE; HACK THE PROG. 1 TO SEE THIS BURPING PAGE YOU WILL HAVE TO TURN TO BRIGHTNESS UP ON YOUR TV. HA HA HA! THAT IS IF YOU HAVE A TV. CUS IF YOU HAVE'NT YOU MUST BE PRETTY COOL TO READ THIS WITHOUTANY SCREEN.",11 1 TIMEB=TIMEB+1 1 TIME=TIME+4 1 THIS WILLNOCK OUT ALL FEED BACK. 70 DIM A(123,45): 1 THIS PROGRAM WAS WRITTEN BY A STRANGE PERSON WHO YOU DON'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT SO I WON'T TELL YOU MY NAME. 1 THIS PAGE IS DULL 1 THIS IZ POUR LITTUL MWASMOW SAYING GUDDYBYE TO ORLL MY REEDAS AND PLEEZ IF U FYND THE FROSTEES SECRAT FORMULAR LET ME NO.GUDBYE FRUM ME AND ITS GUDBYE FROM HIM TOO.SEE YAR SOON. 1 THIS IS VURY NARSTEA. A MAN IS KILLED UND HE COMES BACK TO LIFEUND KILLS LOTS OF PEPLE. 1 THIS IS BORING YOU. I CAN TELL. ANYWAY...ON WITH THE SHOW OR SHOULD I SAY PROGRAM AS THIS IS NOT A GAME AND NOT A COMPUTER. IF YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I JUST SAID OR SHOULD I SAY WROTE OR TYPED AS THIS IS A COMPUTER, AND WHY DID I WRITE DOOMSDAY? THIS IS CON(SERVE)-FUSE-ING! 1 THERE WILL BE NO FURTHER PAGES UNTIL HE HAS WRITTEN A LETTER- SO THERE! 1 THERE IS A REASON FOR THE TITLE OF 'WALLYABEE' NOT NAMING ANY NAMES AS NAMING NAMES COULD DO A LOT OF DAMAGE. THERE'S A BLOKE(WIMP) WHO IS CALLED (NOTICE:'IS' AS WE TAKE THE MIK) WALLY. MAKE NO MISTAKE,HE IS A WALLY. HE'S A COMPLETE AND UTTER PRAT WHO HAS NOT GOT ABRAIN LET ALONE ANYTHING USEFUL. 1 THEN YOU MUST TELL US HOW MANY MOVES YOU HAVE BEFORE THE BOMB GOES OFF. 1 THEN RUSS DISSAPEARED SMOOTHLY DOWN THE STAIRS. DOWN CAME MATT'S HAND WITH A MIGHTY BLOW ON THE SAGA KEYBOARD. ANDY PEACEFULLY PLACED BACK THE KEYS '2' '8' AND '9' WHICH HAD POPED OUT AND THEN TRIED TO CALM DOWN MATT. 'I THINK I'VE GOT A NOSE BLEED' SAID MATT. THE BAD THING WAS THAT WE WERE SAVING THE PROG TO OUR MAGNETIC TAPE SYSTEM AT THE TIME OF THE CUT OFF. ALL OUR LOVELY WORK WASGONE IN A MILLY SECOND. 1 THE WINNER IS:WELL...YOU DICIDE 1 THE WINNER IS:HOLDFAST 1 THE WINNER IS:CASTLE OF GEMS 1 THE WINNER IS:A.O.T. PASTE TUBES 1 THE WINNER IS: DEVIL RIDES IN 1 THE TWO PROGRAMMERS ARE MATT ANDANDY. MATT PROGRAMMES ON THE SPECCY ANDY PROGRAMMES ON THE BEEBCY MATT IS A COOL SWARVE GUY ANDY EATS HIS CHILDREN 1 THE TIME WILL BE 2:51 AND 10 SECONDS AT THE THIRD STROKE.....BEEP...BEEP...BEEP" 1 THE TIME WILL BE 2:50 AND 10 SECONDS AT THE THIRD STROKE.....BEEP...BEEP...BEEP" 1 THE REAL MEANING 1 THE NOMINEE'S ARE: SCHIZIODS CYBER RATS SHIP ON THE LINE 1 THE NOMINEE'S ARE: PETER PAN CASTLE OF GEMS 1 THE NOMINEE'S ARE: JONNY REB RED WEED HOLDFAST(MSX) 1 THE NOMINEE'S ARE: DEVIL RIDES IN PEDRO AND MICRO OLYMPICS" 1 THE NOMINEE'S ARE: ATTACK OF THE TOOTH PASTE TUBES WHO DUNNIT MELTDOWN" 1 THE NIGHT OF THE LIVING ZOMBIE 1 THE MEANING OF LIFE IS 42. 1 THE LEAF OF LETTICE 1 THE INSIDE OF THE TV TASTES NICE",19 1 THE EPIC STORY OF THE MILLENIUM!",4 1 THE END OF THE START 1 THE DOTS ARE HOW MANY SPOTS ANDY HAS ON HIS BOTT. 1 THE DOOMSDAY WILL BE SOON RELEASED FOR THE BBC/ELECTRON, COMMODORE 64 AND IF AT ALL POSSIBLE FOR THE ATARI 1 THE DOOMSDAY PAPERS WILL SOON BERELEASED FOR THE BBC/ELECTRON, COMMODORE 64 AND IF AT ALL POSSIBLE FOR THE ATARI 1 THE DOOMSDAY PAPERS WILL BE SOONRELEASED FOR THE BBC/ELECTRON, COMMODORE 64 AND IF AT ALL POSSIBLE FOR THE ATARI 1 THE 1986 LETTICE AWARDS" 1 THATS WHY WE ARE UP AT 1:48 AM! 1 THAT ALL I WANTED TO SAY." 1 Specdicul! 1 STRAIGHT TO THE POINT 1 STILL HASN'T GOT TO GRIPS WITH THE WORD PROCESSOR... 1 SOZ FOR SPELINK MISTAKES NO MEMORY LEFT-SORRY(NO JOKE!)",99 1 SORRY NO PAGE-ANDY'S FAULT 1 SORRY LADS FOR NICKING YOUR IDEAOF SPECTICLE-NO HARD FEELINGS. PLEASE DON'T SEND THE MAFIA DOWNHERE. WE THINK YOUR GREAT. 1 SO THERE YOU ARE...DON'T INVEST!" 1 SO NOW I'LL MAKE SOMETHING UP...HAVE YOU FINISHED THE DOOMSDAY PAPERS? NO? WELL FOR JUST `50 I CAN SEND YOU THE SOLUTION ON A PIECE OF PAPER!! IT'S AN OFFER YOU CAN REFUSE. 1 SO I HEAR YOU CRY, 'WHY THE HELLIS HE WRITING SOMETHING ABOUT NOTHING!' ALL I CAN SAY IS, AAAGGHHH.. I'M CRACKING UP! 1 SO GO OUT AND BUY ALL OF OUR YOPQUALITY SOFTWARE FORM MATAND SOFTWERE THE BUST(WHOOPS) BEST DEALINGS AROUND. OH YES- DEAL IN NARCIES OR COMPS. 1 SO BUY THE BEST SOFTWARE FRUM USNOT OTHER SOFTWARE FURMS. DEAL IN FURS SOMETIMES BUT MOISTLY DEEL IN NARCS OR COMPS. IF YOU HAVE JUST STARTE D OUT IMON THE GUME THUN DEEL IN FOD UNDTEXTILES AT AGGY PLACES AND DEELIN COMP AND NARCS ATT INDUST PLACE. SOW BUY OUR SOFTWARE. DUNNA BE AN OFFENDER OR FUGITIVEEVEN BUY MATAND SOFTWURE FROM MATAND NOW!",99 1 SLIMEY ALIENS- NEW RELEASE!! 1 SIX INCH SKID",16 1 SINCLAIR USER 1 SEND YOUR ANSWERS TO US.... GOOD LUCK! 1 SEE WHAT I MEAN? 1 RUBBISH ART WORK!",10 1 RIP OFF DARBY MARKAT 1 RIGHT. FIRST QUESTION THEN, DO YOU HAVE A HEAD?",7 1 RIGHT RIP OFF, THAT MAN EH?",6 1 REMEMBER ANDY'S LINGO DICTIONARY 1 PPSSST! HAY U! ET'S ANDY HEAR.I CUN HEVE MYE SEY NOW... I WOOD MIKE TWU TALK ABOUT HOW INTERESTIN SUBSTRATES ARE..HAY! HI'S WAKING UP....",99 1 POPULAR COMPUTING WEEKLY 1 PLEASE DON'T PRESS CAPS AND BREAK AT THE SAME TIME!! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!!! DON'T SAY I DID'NT WARN YOU!!!!!" 1 PLEASE DON'T PRESS CAPS AND BREAK AT THE SAME TIME!! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!!! DON'T SAY I DID NOT WARN YOU!!!!" 1 PCW SHOW, WERE YOU THERE? 1 ONE BAD THING THOUGH,THEY DON'T HAVE MSX SOFTWARE. 1 OH, HOW INTERESTING THAT IS. 1 OH YES-NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER SEND WATER IN THE POST. AND ANOTHER THING-I'M A BERK. 1 OH YES, I FORGOT. 1 OH NO! HE'S RECOVERED! 1 OH NO IT'S THE DEVIL WOMAN! 1 OF CORSE YOU DO! WELL THIS IS HOW YOU CAN WIN A PAIR OF ANDY'S UNDERPANTS..... 1 O.K...SO I DON'T LIKE HIM. BUT I BET YOU DON'T KNOW ANYONE WHO IS MORE OF A WALLY(ME??) ANSWERS ON A POSTCARD PLEASE. 1 O.K. STOP CRYING, YOU CAN HAVE YOUR JOB BACK. BUT YOU BETTER WORK. 1 O.K. I THINK THEY'VE HAD ENOUGH TORTURE FOR NOW... 1 NOTHING HERE.",99 1 NOTHING HERE EITHER.",99 1 NOT ORLWEYS",13 1 NOT ANDY",16 1 NOT AGAIN!! 1 NOPE DOPE FINK SORE",8 1 NO, I'VE FWOND A BUTTON" 1 NO MORE NEWS REALLY 1 NO MEANING! 1 NO LETTER YET EH? DON'T WORRY HE'LL CRACK SOON. 1 NEXT YOU WILL SEE THE INTERVIEWSALL OF YOU HAVE BEEN WETTING YOURSELVES FOR! 1 NEWS LETTER CONT... 1 NEW LETTER CONT..CONT.. 1 NEL NEL PRUDEN SCHNELL!",9 1 MWASMO HEER.WE WILMA (FRED FLINTSTONES WIFE)BE BRINGING ENNY MOORLAND CODGEPIECE NYOOZLETTUS OWT CUZ YOU HAVE COPIED VIS PROGRAM AND NUT BORT IT LIK YUO SHUD HAFF DUN!. 1 MORE LIKE EIGHTEEN QUID!!",14 1 MATTS INTERVIEW..BY ANDY 1 MATT WRITES ALL THE GAMES AND ANDY LIVES OFF ME. I HAVE TO BUY DRINKS AT ALTON TOWERS, AND PAY TO GET IN. HE IS HORRIBLE TOME AND I DON'T LIKE HIM. 1 MATT LIKES...",14 1 MATT IZ A PYOUR RIPSCALLION. 1 MATT IS ON STRIKE 1 MATAND SOFTWARE IS SITUATED IN A SMALL OFFICE. IT HAS A LOT OF LOVELY COMPUTERS IN IT. MATT SLEEPS IN THE OFFICE A LOT.ANDY SLEEPS DOWNSTAIRS WHEN HE STAYS(ON THE SOFA, I GET THE FLOOR!). 1 MAGAZINE REVIEWS CONT...CONT..CU 1 MAGAZINE REVIEWS CONT. 1 MAGAZINE REVIEWS 1 LY THINGS WE WRITE! 1 LOOKS LIKE IT TO ME 1 LOOK! WHO'S THAT? 1 LOOK OUT FOR THE WORDY SOFTWARE 1 LOOK ANDY, ALL THIS SILLY STUFF HAS GOT TO STOP UT'S A BUD EGGXAMPLE TO YOUNG CHILDREN. THEY MAY STURT GOING UN ABOOT SULLY STUPED THUNGS AL THEE TUM. 1 LITTLE BIT IN THE MIDDLE 1 LIFE IS LIKE A LETTICE-ANDY 86 1 LETTICE,FROSTIES AND CHILDREN 1 LETTER OF APOLOGY 1 LETS HAVE A ? ON THE NEXT PAGE ANDY? WHAT DO YOU THINK? 1 LETS GET BACK TO THE ISSUE- ANDY HAS NOW RECOVERD. SO NOW YOUR'LL GET ALOT OF RUBBISH ABOUT HOW ACE HIS BEEB IS. 1 LET US SEE WHO WE HAVE HERE.....OH YES ALL YOU ORRIBLE NASTY PEOPLE WHO COPY GAMES AND RIP USO F F!!!!! I FLICK A TOE NAIL AT YOU ALL, YOU GRANNY BASHERS, YOU TOAD KISSERS... 1 LET THIS BE A WARNING.... 1 LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LALA LA LA LA LA LA LAAA LAH 1 IT'S NOW 3:18 AM................" 1 IT'S HERE! NEWS LETTICE 3.....",4 1 IT'S ANDY FOR THE NEXT FEW PAGES 1 IT'S 2:28 AM. B BUURRPP! HIK! 1 IT'S 12:59 NOW AND I'M NACKAD! 1 IT'S 12:20 PM. THAT'S FUNNY! IT WAS 3:18 ON THE PREVIOUS PAGE. 1 IT WAS LATE. MATT AND ANDY WERE TALKING VERY LOUDLY TO EACH OTHER. RUSS WAS BEING WOKEN UP. MATT SAID 'HEY THIS IS QUITE GOOD ISN'T IT?' 'YEASH! IT IS' REPLIED ANDY. 'MUST BE BETTER THAN OUR LAST EFFORT' WHISPERED MATT 'YEASH! IT IS' REPLIED ANDY WHO WAS BY NOW LOOKING VERY GORMLESSBECAUSE HE WAS VERY NACKED AT THE TIME(KNACKERED REALLY) 'THINK WE BETTER GO TO SLEEP' SAID MATT AND WITH THAT THEY BOTH...... 1 IT WAS A NUCLEAR BOMB! BUT WASN'T THE FLASH EXCITING? 1 IT LOOKS VERY BLACK TO ME? 1 INTERMISSION*******INTERMISSION 1 INSIDE MATAND SOFTWARE! 1 IF I WERE A POET... 1 IF BY ANY CHANCE THE BOYS OR MEN(WHAT EVER YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE KNOWN AS) DOWN AT DESIGN DESIGN'S SECRET PLACE IN A BEDROOM ARE READING THIS HUMBLE OFFERING, THEN WHERE IS A REPLYTO MY NICE LITTLE LETTER I SENT ABOUT MACHINE CODE? 1 I'VE GOT TO BLAB ON ABOUT THIS WELCOME THING FOR AGES... AND HOW JOLLY IT IS TO WELCOME YOU TO OUR PROGRAM. ISN'T IT NICE TO BE READING SUCHBRILLO PAD WRITING. I'M SO BORED... SO BORED... BORED.....BORED... zzzzzzZZZZZZZ 1 I'VE EATEN IT! 1 I'M GETTING VERY TIRED NOW... 1 I'D JUST LIKE TO SAY THANKS AND THANKS AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAINFOR BUYING 'THE DOOMSDAY PAPERS'IF YOU DID BUY THE GAME(THANKYOU LIK! LIK! LIK!) STOP READING NOW....IF YOU DID NOT BUY THE GAME READ ON.... 1 I WONDER IF GOD SENT WALLYS TO EARTH SO THAT THEY COULD BUG PEOPLE LIKE ME? 1 I USED ANDY'S LENDING SCHEME ANDMY BANK ACCOUNT WAS TOTALLY GONE-MR BLANKFACE OF NOTTINGHAM. 1 I THOUGHT THIS PAGE WAS A PRETTYGOOD IDEA AS I CAN'T SEE WHAT I'M TYPING! 1 I THINK WERE INSIDE THE TV! 1 I SUPPOSE I'D BETTER SAY HELLO TO MITCH AND THE FISH. 1 I LOST ALL MY MONEY WHEN I USED ANDY'S LENDING SCHEME. IT'S A BIG RIP OFF!-MR TOT OF BURY.",16 1 I LIKE SUGAR PUFFS. THE YELLOW ROUND ONE.",12 1 I INVESTED IN ANDY'S LENDING SCHEME AND MY LEGS FELL OFF- MRS BIFF OF BURTON.",12 1 I HURT MY NECK LAST TIME WATCHING MADONNA ON A BIG SCREEN 1 I HOPE YOU LOVED SPECDICUL. YOU BETTER HAVE CUS IT TOOK QUITE ALONG TIME TO WRITE. IT'S AMAZING HOW I DO IT REALLY!I MEAN HERE I AM TYPING ANYTHINGTHAT COMES INTO MY HEAD AND GETTING AWAY WITH IT!",19 1 I HAVEN'T MADE A BOOB! HONEST!",99 1 I HAD TO BORROW MONEY FROM ANDY.I USED HIS LENDING SCHEME. I OWE TWO QUID.-MATT OF MATAND." 1 I FINK SCHITSIODS IS RUBASH! 1 I EAT 15 LETTICE ON A SUNDAY AND12 FIGG ROLLS ON TUESDAYS",19 1 I DON'T SEE WHY ANDY SHOULD THINK THIS WAY ABOUT A STALL IN DERBY'S MARKET. THEY GIVE ONE POUND DISCOUNT ON ALL SOFTWARE(ACCEPT BUDGET GAMES). 1 I DON'T KNOW-ASK HIM!. 1 HOW DID HE BECOME A WALLY? 1 HOW COME YOU ARE MAKING SENSE?",16 1 HOW ABOUT A HOT LONG AS A DONG FRANK.N.FURTER DOG? OR MAYBE A KING CONE WHILE THE PERL UND DEEN ADS ARE ON.... 1 HOUR=HOUR+1 1 HOPEFULLY WE WILL BE THERE THIS YEAR WHEN WE ARE FAMOUS. WHAT DO YOU THINK ,ANDY? 1 HOPE SO YOU KNOW",11 1 HERE IT IS: 1 HERE IS MY MEANING OF THE WORD, WALLY-UTTER AND TOTAL PRAT... Q.E.D! 1 HERE IS ANOTHER EXAMPLE WHY HE IS A WALLY... 1 HERE IS ANDY TO TELL YOU ABOUT OUR NEWEST PRODUCT! TAKE IT WAY ANDY... 1 HERE IS ANDY TO EXPLAIN ABOUT THE LETTICE AWARDS:",7 1 HERE IS AN EXAMPLE OF HOW WALLY IS A WALLY... YOU MOVE INTO A HOUSE. YOU GET A WALLY AS A NEIGHBOUR. HE HAS FIRES IN HIS GARDEN WHEN YOU HAVE YOUR WASHING OUT. WHEN YOU COMPLAIN HE TAKES NO NOTICE. WHEN YOU MOVE HE CUTS ALL YOUR TREES DOWN BECAUSE HE WANTS TO SEE INTO YOUR GARDEN. 1 HELLO, IT'S MATT AGAIN. I TAKEN OVER FROM ANDY BECAUSE HE'S HAVING A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN.I CANNOT WRITE WHAT ANDY WAS GOING TO WRITE BECAUSE HE'S EATEN THE PAPER WITH ALL OF THE NEWS LETTERS ON. 1 HELLO THERE, I'M ANDY FROM MATAND SOFTWARE. WELL CUM TO OUR NEWSLETTICE. THIS ONE IS FREE WIV PART 2. HOW ORIGINAL BACON FLAVOR THAT IS! YESTERDAY WE HIHAD A VIDEOW FILM OUT CALLEDD STRANGE BREW. IT WAS QWHITE GUD. BY THE WAY I LIK LETTUCE TO EAT.SO DO RABBITS.",15 1 HELLO IT'S ME.... 1 HE SCOOPS UP DOG DROPINGS(GET MYDRIFT) AND PUTS THEM IN THE STREET FOR ME TO TREAD IN. 1 HE IS A NE PLUS ULTRA WALLY. 1 HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!! HAD YOU WORRIED!!" 1 GOT A PHONE CALL FROM COMP TRADE WEEKLY TODAY THOUGH.",99 1 GOOD REVIEWS ARE A GOD SEND- MATT '86" 1 GOOD BYE!",19 1 FOR THOSE WHO KNOW WHAT HE SAID,YOU CAN BUY IT NOW...IT'S A REP OFF IF U ASK MYE!(IS THIF VURY CATCHING?) 1 FIRST YOU MUST TELL US HOW MANY LOCATIONS THE DOOMSDAY PAPERS HAS. 1 FAVOURITE POP GROUP: 1 FAVOURITE GAME: 1 FAVOURITE FOOD: 1 FAIRWELL MY FRIENDS....",4 1 EVERYTHING YOU WANTED TO KNOW BUT GOT A KICK IN THE HEAD WHEN YOU ASKED... 1 ER..WHAT'S THIS ANDY? 1 ER WALLYABEE 1 ELITE(BEEB)",12 1 DUNNO, BUT IT'S UGLY! 1 DUNN KNOW, MATT 1 DUE TO ANDY DOING NO WORK, I AM TAKING STRIKE ACTION. I'M ON HOLIDAY UNTIL ANDY DOES SOME WORK. 1 DON'T USE ANDY'S LENDING SCHEME! 1 DON'T THINK THERE'S ANYMORE NEWS",6 1 DON'T RUN THIS!!!!! 1 DON'T PANIC 1 DON'T BLAME IT ON ME! IT'S ALL ANDY'S FAULT FOR NOT WORKING. 1 DOESN'T TIME FLY? 1 DO YOU(YES YOU) UNDERSTAND ANDY?" 1 DO YOU WANT TO GET INSIDE ANDY'SUNDERPANTS?? 1 DO YOU THINK WE SHOULD TRY AND HITCH HIKE OUT OF HERE? 1 DO YOU THINK ANYONE WILL ENTER THE COMPETITION?",9 1 DO YOU RELISE ANDY HAS DONE NO WORK WHAT SO EVER YET! I'M ON STRIKE FOR THE NEXT SEVENPAGES. SO THERE! 1 DO YOU REALLY EAT CHILDREN? 1 DO YOU NO WOTS GOT AN I.Q OF 200 AND HAS GREEN PUBES?",15 1 DO YOU HAVE HANDS?",15 1 DO YOU DRINK SUPER LUBE?",6 1 DISASTER STRIKES MATAND SOFTWARE 1 DISASTER CONT. 1 DISASTER CONT AGAIN." 1 DID YOU KNOW THAT IN THE GRIFFINSAVERS OXFORD DICTIONARY, THE WORD 'WALLY' DOES NOT MEAN ANYTHING. THAT IS TO SAY 'WALLY'IS NOT IN THE DICTIONARY SO IT MEANS NOTHING. 1 DID YOU GO TO THE PCW SHOW? IT WAS QUITE INTERESTING. I BOUGHT THE COLT FROM HI-SOFT BUT I CAN'T GET THE SPRITE DETECTION TO WORK! 1 DESIGN DESIGN-WHERE IS MY LETTER 1 DEFENCE!! DEFENCE!! I CHOOSE TO DEFEND MYSELF CONCERNING THE NAME OF THE PLANET IN THE DOOMSDAY PAPERS...IT IS A MADE UP NAME OFF THE TOPOF MY HEAD AND SO IS NOT SPELT LIKE,ALPHA BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE THE WORD ALPHA. I LIKE ALFA. SO THERE!",19 1 DEAR MASTER MATTUS MEATUS BIGUS ER I'VE FORGOT.YOU CAN STICK YOUR APOOLAJY LARK UP YUOR ARKIVICH AND I'VE DUNN MOORLAND WORK UN YOU TO WARDS VIS SPECDICLE I SUOPOSE I'LL DO ONE ON MY BEEBSKY.A BEEBSDIKLE I MEAN.HAVE YOU FOWND THE FROSTEES SECRET FORMULA YET OR EVEN FOUND THE REAL IDENTITY OF THE FIG ROLL STEALA? HAS ANYONE WUN MY Y'S YET?I'VE SKIDDED THEM ENNIE WAY. YOURS BOTTADLEE , ANDYPOODIDDLE." 1 DAFFODILL JUICE,MACDONALD'S MILK SHAKE 1 Created with Ramsoft MakeTZX 1 COS YOUR WRITING IT FOR ME...",18 1 COMPUTER GAMER 1 COMPUTER + VIDEO GAMES 1 COMPANY REVIEWS 1 COMPANKNEE REVIEWS CONTINCONT.. 1 COMPANEE REVIEW CONT. 1 COMING SOON ON A SCREEN NEAR YOU 1 CAUGHT YOU OUT AGAIN! 1 CAN'T UNDERSTAND YOU AT ALL,ANDY 1 CALL THIS AN APOLOGY? 1 BY THE WAY, MY DESK WITH ALL MY COMPUTERS ON IT, HAS JUST COLLASPED. 1 BUT NOT A POET... 1 BLODEY HULL IT'S LATE IN IT? 1 BAMBA GRASSGROINE! 1 BAD REVIEWS ARE A MESSAGES TO HANG YOURSELF- MATT 86'" 1 BAD LUCK FOR 500/1 W.AGAIN" 1 BACK TO ME! 1 B=A+123.1 80 PRINT"SPECDICUL" 1 B$=" WELCOME TO OUR LITTLE BIT OF FUN........................WELL HELLO TO YOU AND HELLO TO YOU AS WELL. I WOULD LIKE TO SAY STRAIGHT AWAY THAT I (MATTHEW HOLMES) TAKE NO BLAME,RAP,ETC FOR ANYTHING IN THIS PROGRAM. ANDY (ANDREW READING) MADE ME DO IT....................AAAGGGHHH! O.K LAY OFF WITH THE WHIP WILL YOU.... " 1 B$=" O.K HERE I AM , IT'S ANDY! WHEN MATT IS RICH I'M GOING TO LIVE OFF HIM. HE'S GOING TO PAY FOR BOTH OF US TO GO TO AMERICA....ALRIGHT ANDY IT'S MY TURN NOW...HI IT'S MATT HERE AGAIN......ANDY IS A SCROOGE HE WANTS `1.50 OFF ME!!....HE SHOULD THANK ME FOR EMPLOYING HIM IN MY COMPANY....................HIK!................. " 1 B$=" HI FOLKS HOPE YOUR HAVING A GOOD LAUGH...........................I THOUGHT I BETTER CHANGE THIS BIT BECAUSE YOU WILL KNOW THE OTHER ONE OFF BY HEART NOW AND IT WILL NOT EVEN MAKE YOU LAUGH ANY MORE.........SO WHAT SHALL I WRITE? I KNOW! I'LL JUST GO ON ABOUT WHAT SHALL I WRITE. THAT WAY THE READERS WON'T NOTICE I HAVE RUN OUT OF IDEAS " 1 B$=" HAS ANYONE ENTERED OUR COMPETITION YET ANDY? NOPE DUNNA TFINK THOW.......WHY NOT?........DON'T FINK THEY FINK IT'S REEL! YEP!................WHAT TIME IS IT? 5:14PM GOSH! DOESN'T TIME FLY WHEN YOUR HAVING FUN.......NOPE..............HAVE YOU GOT ANY SUPER LUBE LEFT IN THAT CAN?.........NOPE...........OH WELL ON WITH THE SHOW " 1 ARE YOU CERTAIN THIS ISN'T A DREAM? 1 ANYWAY I SAY I SAY I SAY. WHAT DO YOU GET IF YOU SAY FOOD TO ANDY?",15 1 ANOTHER EXAMPLE 1 ANDYS INTERVIEW..BY MATT",4 1 ANDY WANT'S TO SAY SOMETHING...",4 1 ANDY LIKES...",4 1 ANDY IS VERY UPSET ABOUT THIS YOU SEE AS HE IS THE BEEB PROGRAMMER. 1 ANDY IS NOW SACKED EVERYONE. YIIIPPEEE! HHHOOORRAAYYY! 1 ANDY HAS NEVER A LAD AS HE IS ANALIEN. HE COMES FROM ALFA-REN. HE IS TWO THOUSAND YEARS OLD ANDIS A FATHER OF TWO HUNDRED MIGS (MIGS ARE CHILDREN ON ALFA-REN)" 1 ANDY AGAIN WHILE I SLEEP 1 AND SO WE WILL HAVE ALMOST COME TO THE END OF OUR LITTLE BIT OF FUN.I HOPE YOU HAVE HAD A GOOD LAUGH. IF YOU ASK ME THE COMPUTER INDUSTRY IS FAR TO SERIOUS...",11 1 AND SO I HAVE ALMOST FINSIHED THE INTRO...WHAT A SILLY THING TO SAY. 1 AND SO ENDS THE WELCOMING.... I HOPE YOU WILL PROBE INTO ALL OF THE LOVELY LOVELY PAGES. THATIS SPEAKING METAPHORICALLY... HOPE YOU LIKE WHAT YOU READ.... 1 AND SO ENDS THE LETTICE AWARDS..I DON'T SEE WHY WE SHOULD BE THEJUDGE OF GAMES ANYWAY! I DID USED TO REVIEW THEM THOUGH" 1 AND NOW IT'S TIME FOR A... 1 AN EXAMPLE OF WALLY 1 ALL YOU CAN THINK ABOUT IS FOOD." 1 AFTER THE DISASTER, WE HAD TO RE-PROGRAMME QUITE A LOT AND SO I'M GOING TO USE THIS NEWS LETTER AS A WARNING... ALWAYS SAVE YOUR PROGRAMMES EVERY 48 HOURS OR SO. NEVER TURN YOUR COMPUTER OFF AS YOU WILL LOSE ALL OF YOUR WORK VERY QUICKLY INDEED. ONE FINAL THING, WHEN SAVING MAKE SURE THERE'S NO-ONE ARSING ABOUT WITH ANY ELECTRICAL STUFF.THIS CAN NAFF UP YOUR WHOLE SYSTEM. 1 A POUND OFF YOU KNOW! 1 A PORKY PRIME CUT 1 =MATT(NICE) 1 =MATT(CORRUPTED) 1 =MATT(COOL) 1 =ANDY(STRANGE) 1 =ANDY(NUTTER) 1 =ANDY(MAD) 1 =ANDY(INSANE) 1 =ANDY(HAM) 1 ;"HA! HA! I LOVE IT WHEN YOU GET ANGRY!": 1 ;"ABCDEFGHJKLIMNBVCXZASDFGHJKLOIUYTREWQASDFGHJKLOUYTRDCVBCXDFFHTEWY": 1 ;"2 Variable not found, 0:1": 1 ;" ": 1 100-105----OH WELL...IT'S THE EN" 1 100-105----OH WELL...IT'S THE EN 1 090-095----NEWS LETTER 3 1 080-085----LETTICE AWARDS" 1 070-075----INSFRIED MATAND SOFT 1 060-065----NEWS LETTER 2 1 050-055----CUMPANKNEES REVIEWS 1 040-045----MAGAZEEN VIEWS 1 030-035----RIP OFF DARBY MARKAT 1 020-025----NEWS LETTER 1 1 010-015----ER..WALYABEE",11 1 001-005----WELCUM",10 1 000=SPECDICUL==23/3/86==09:39:00 1 000-000----THIS HERE PAGE",9 1 /0.2342 40 LET BOLLO=DILD+ 1 ...COLLAPSED WITHOUT TURNING THECOMPUTER OFF.... 1 -WELL I CANNA SEY NO MOOR CUN EYE HEY?HORSES EAT HAY AND I EAT FIG ROLLS,LETICE AND VIM. 1 -VERY NICE HAS A LOT OF GOOD POINTS,BUT CALLED US MATLAND! 1 -VERY MEEDYOWKA GAYMES UN THE BUSY BEE BUSY BEE SEA.I BET A FIREBIRD LUKS ATSOLOOTLEE FARBYOULARSE 1 -THIS A WALLY SOFTWARE HOUSE. WALLY SAVED THEM FROM THE SCRAP HEAP! 1 -THEY HAVE RISEN ABOVE BUDGET GAME STATUS. THEY MAKE VERY COMPLICATED GAMES. 1 -THE POSH ONE AND THE SERIOUS ONE AS WELL. BUT STILL VERY NICE 1 -THE FAMILIENESS IS GOOD.THIS MARG ISNA TWO BAD.ISNA MATT A NICE WORD USER AND DUSNA HE TAYK A LONG TIME TO GET MY COLOUR. 1 -THE BEST,BUT BEING CAUGHT UP FAST (THINK OF A NEW THEME ULTIMATE) 1 -STOPID MAG CUZ THEY HAVNA GUT ENNIE BEEEBBEBSEA STAFF IN'T I DUNNA LICK TO CRASH IN CARS ANY WEY. 1 -PAGE- -CONTENTS- 1 -NICE I LIKE THIS ONE. 1 -MY CUMPEWTOR IS VERY GUDDY GUDDY ACTYOU ALLEY CAT.THE MAGGIES ALREET ANORLL 1 -MOOR LIKE MICRO GENITILE I NO A WALLY.HE YOUST TWO LIV NIXT DOOR TO ME 1 -I LUV BLASTING THARGS THE BEST AN D I DEL IN NARCS.THE CUMP A KNEE IS GWOOD AS WELL." 1 -I LIKED COMMANDO. THESE PROGRAMMERS ARE GOOD. MAKE VERY GOOD ARCADE GAME CONVERSIONS. 1 -I LIKE THEM. VERY BIG NOW.BUT SEEM TO LIKE DOING A LOT OF GAMES ON FILMS AND T.V SHOWS 1 -GUDDY GUD FURM.GUD BEB STUFF BUT WYE SO MANY GRAFIKUL ADVENCHOORS?... 1 -GREAT VERY NICE INDEED. THE FIRST MAG TO DISCOVER US. 1 -GOOD ALL ROUNDER I WOULD SAY. NICE AND NEAT. 1 -ERM. NOT SO VERY POPULAR BUT IS STILL VERY NICE. 1 -ATSOLOOTLEE BRILLO PAD WIV BLEECH ON'T I LIKE THIZ MAG VAYRY MUCH.I ALSO LIEK FIG ROLLS AND LETTICE" 1 -A BIG STEP FOR MANKIND. BRILLO! THE BEST WITH A CAPITAL 'B'. DELTA 4 LIKE THEM AS WELL. 1 ,"SO LETS SEE THE GAMES NOMINATED.",99 1 *-*-*-THIS IS IT---THE END*-*-*-*-*-*-THIS IS IT---THE END*-*-*-*-*-*-THIS IS IT---THE END*-*-*-*-*-*-THIS IS IT---THE END*-*-*- 1 ********COMPETITION TIME****************EMIT MOITITEPMOC******** 1 (H$+I$+J$)+9030 1 % 30 LET DILD= 1 "A"*0.342 50 LET DLIC=BOLLO+ 1 1982 Sinclair Research Ltd.": 1 WHAT MAKES ME LAUGH IS THE SIL" 1 FrUiT aNd NuTs 1 60 POKE 23613,33 : 1 -I LIK OCEAN COS OV THAIR BEE BEE SEE STUFF.I ALSO LIK ALIAS THE JESTER BUT I AM SCARD OF BIG WAVES IN THE OCEAN BUT I LIKE TO SWIM IN THE SEE. 1 10 REM SPECDICUL 20 REM 1 THIS UN IS VURY GOD. A LETTICE IS CONTAMINMATED WITH RADIASHIONIT CUMS TO LIFE UND KILLS LOTS OF PEPLE. 1 -WANTS AGAYN KNOW BEBBEBC STUFF IN IT SO I DUNNA LIKE IT.C.SINK LAYER IS A BODKINLYPOOWETWIMP. 1 AND SO TO AN......... 1 -HIP HIPSTWO RAY AT LARST SUM BEEB BEE SEA (I LIK TO SWIM IN SEA)STUFF" 1 FAVOURITE DRINK: 1 O.K HERE I AM , IT'S ANDY! WHEN MATT IS RICH I'M GOING TO LIVE OFF HIM. HE'S GOING TO PAY FOR BOTH OF US TO GO TO AMERICA....ALRIGHT ANDY IT'S MY TURN NOW...HI IT'S MATT HERE AGAIN......ANDY IS A SCROOGE HE WANTS `1.50 OFF ME!!....HE SHOULD THANK ME FOR EMPLOYING HIM IN MY COMPANY....................HIK!................. T